The experience below is from my dream journal. It reflects insights into relationships with guides.
Four of us were carrying our light kayaks on a treacherous high mountain pass.
The Wayshower pointed to an inn on the other side of turbulent waters and said, “We cross here.”
As usual, I was the one who objected and demanded an explanation. The other three watched.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I objected. “You dragged us up here; we are all tired and without any rest, you expect us to pass here, straight across.”
I twisted the fact that I had voluntary followed the Wayshower, and there was no dragging of any kind involved.
“If we must cross,” I continued. “We can go up a mile or so, paddle in an angle so that we use the current and redirect them instead of fighting them.”
“We cross here,” He repeated calmly.
Somehow, the Wayshower managed for us to cross there.
But ego does not give up easily, and I continued my objections. Except now that I was proven wrong, I clenched my teeth over my objections and kept quiet but not silent.
My frustration and anger were focused on the Wayshower.
He had reached the ramp attached to the inn first. The other three followed, and I brought up the rear. I tied my kayak and looked up.
I noticed the conversation between the other three. They were congratulating each other on their weekend mountain climbing/kayaking adventure, the invigorating mountain air, how wonderful the inn was and what food they were going to order.
They had no memory of the Wayshower or me. And the Wayshower was not in front anymore.
“Damned. You cannot take your eyes off that guy for a minute,” I said to myself.
I looked around and found him back in his kayak paddling up the river.
He noticed my hesitation.
“What? Are you afraid that there aren’t any more rest stops higher up?”
Without looking to see if I would follow, he paddled easily against the current up toward the mountain peaks.
I untied my kayak and released a series of profanity under my breath. Jumped in and paddled after him.
I was arrogant, angry, fearful and a whole bunch of other things that he was helping me with.
But I had outgrown my stupidity.
He was the Wayshower; it had taken me eons to find him and for him to agree to guide me.
Wayshowers seem to be a fickle bunch who do their own thing all the time. They completely understand my shortcomings and at the same time totally disregard them.
They respect my freedom of choice in all matters even when my free choice isolates me from them and increases my hardship.
Underneath my dark passions, I could feel his love pulsing within and purging me. That love was much stronger than any of my superficial feelings that clouded my judgment.
I was not letting go of him until he helped me reach the top of the mountain above the passions of the mind that plagued my heart for an eternity.
Maybe not even then.
Somewhere deep inside, I could hear his chuckle.
I smiled and focused my energy on paddling up against the currents.